The UPSIDE to the Downside: Helping Our Children Navigate Disappointment | Christie Gould
If you were like me growing up, you remember a time where you didn’t make the team, missed a shot, or didn’t get an invitation to a party. Looking at the newly released cheerleading roster, I still remember the lump in my throat that welled up when my name was not on the list.
Reflecting back, I realize the struggles I faced produced perseverance and resilience within me. New doors opened up for me to explore other talents that God had placed in my life. With the guidance from my parents, it brought me to a place where I can now look at a troubling situation and confidently know that with God, I can overcome.
“A society cannot make do with only talking about victory—we always say that we learn more from defeat than from victory. So if we learn from defeat, we should pay a bit more attention to those who lose.” —Alain Pelillo, Losers (Season 1, Episode 8)
How do we produce this in our children, especially as they are young? This is a question that continually stares us in the face—and even grieves our hearts—as parents.
A rush of emotion to protect, shield, and shelter our children floods our minds as we see them hurting or experiencing challenges. However, it begs the question of whether or not we are allowing our kids to experience failure when the consequences are not as detrimental yet. Or are we shielding them from failure until they are older, running the risk that their choices may lead to very real and significant consequences?
As parents, we are called to “train up a child in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6). This biblical mandate comes with many emotions, some challenges, and a lot of blessings. How will those emotions steer us as parents? Even through the challenges, you will be able to celebrate the victories and faithfulness of God.
We Are Overcomers: Plant a firm foundation in our children that, with God, they are overcomers (Romans 8:37; 1 John 4:4; 1 John 5:5). Removing every obstacle or hurt from their lives does not give them the opportunity to live out the truth when God says we are overcomers. Walking with them through the hurt and helping them to see the Lord as our Good Shepherd will produce resilience for future trials and establish a confidence in them that they are overcomers!
Identity in Christ: Our kids must find their identity and value in Christ, not social media, their friends, or even their talents. Failure or hardship cannot define who they are—their identity. We are made in His image (Genesis 1:27), and we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13–14). Help your children replace the lies the enemy whispers to them about not being good enough, smart enough, or strong enough with the truth of God’s Word.
Double for Our Trouble: John 16:33 confirms that we will have trouble, but that is not the end. Jesus has overcome! And through this testing of our faith, we produce perseverance (James 1:3). God allows us to grow in perseverance, our trust in Him, and a strengthening of our faith through the hardships we face. We grow exponentially in our character as we walk with God through our challenges, not around them. Developing resilience at a young age will allow them to do great things in their future even through adversity and trials.
“The setbacks, mistakes, miscalculations, and failures we have shoved out of our children’s way are the very experiences that teach them how to be resourceful, persistent, innovative, and resilient citizens of the world.” —Jessica Lahey, The Gift of Failure
Today, let’s reshape our thinking when it comes to trials our children face. View them through the lens of God’s Word. As we have our children in our homes, surrounded with love, biblical guidance, and support, now is the time to walk with them through hardships and help them experience the victory on the other side!